Transformation Island, Part 1

This is Derek. He won the role of a lifetime on a new reality TV show called "Transformation Island". You've seen the premise before. A sticky guy has to choose between six hot babes. In the final episode, he proposes to one and the win fantastic prizes. The other girls lose their self esteem. This show had a twist, however. Each of the hot girls were once men. They had also applied to be the lucky bachelor. Instead, they wound up being transformed by the producer's magic wand. Only the one that Derek proposes to will win back his manhood. Everyone else? They get ten thousand dollars and a gift certificate at Victoria's Secret. I was one of those six guys. None of us were particularly keen to seduce Derek, but we all knew what we had to do to win our manhood back. I suppose I could keep you in suspense about who won, but you could just Google it anyway.

So meet Tonya. Her name used to be Tom, and Tom used to be a major player. The rest of us were rookies next to her. She had our hooks into Derek before we could even say hello. The weeklong competition was painful to watch as we repeatedly humiliated ourselves competing unsuccessfully for Derek's attention. Then, wouldn't you know it, right after Tonya wins the big prize, she decides to remain a girl forever and marry Derek for real. I hear they're living happily in Miami Beach these days. I hope she gets Zika. Next time, I'll introduce you to more of the contestants.