Transformation Island, Part 2

This is Bruce and Ken, or Bonnie and Kendall, as they call themselves. These poor schmucks never stood a chance. Unable to control their raging hormones, they began playing with each other right in front of the camera. Derek was intrigued for a while, but as soon as he figured out that the girls were more into each other than they were into him, it was all over for the girls. The last I heard, Bonnie and Kendall moved in together. They're making lesbian porn out in Santa Monica. From what I hear, they were pretty happy with their new lives.

Then there's Donnie, who kept her name. The producers were pretty pissed when they found that someone had leaked the premise of the show to Donnie. Donnie was a transsexual who was looking for a cheap alternative to gender reassignment surgery. Given her situation, she had no interest in seducing Derek. The producers threw her off the show, but she laughed all the way back to New York.

Transformation Island, Part 1

This is Derek. He won the role of a lifetime on a new reality TV show called "Transformation Island". You've seen the premise before. A sticky guy has to choose between six hot babes. In the final episode, he proposes to one and the win fantastic prizes. The other girls lose their self esteem. This show had a twist, however. Each of the hot girls were once men. They had also applied to be the lucky bachelor. Instead, they wound up being transformed by the producer's magic wand. Only the one that Derek proposes to will win back his manhood. Everyone else? They get ten thousand dollars and a gift certificate at Victoria's Secret. I was one of those six guys. None of us were particularly keen to seduce Derek, but we all knew what we had to do to win our manhood back. I suppose I could keep you in suspense about who won, but you could just Google it anyway.

So meet Tonya. Her name used to be Tom, and Tom used to be a major player. The rest of us were rookies next to her. She had our hooks into Derek before we could even say hello. The weeklong competition was painful to watch as we repeatedly humiliated ourselves competing unsuccessfully for Derek's attention. Then, wouldn't you know it, right after Tonya wins the big prize, she decides to remain a girl forever and marry Derek for real. I hear they're living happily in Miami Beach these days. I hope she gets Zika. Next time, I'll introduce you to more of the contestants.

Better than before

Laugh if you want to, man, but remember I didn't have a lot of options. That car crash nearly killed me, and the doctors said that if I didn't take the first android body available, I would have died for sure. It's not so bad, either. I'm better than before. I can punch through a brick wall and run a mile in under a minute. Plus, the doctors tell me that my sexual responses are a hundred times more intense. I've tried out the first two already. Want to help me with the third?