So, Matt, I'm sure you realized by now that those weren't performance enhancing drugs I injected you with. Indeed, you're going to find it impossible to play on the men's basketball team ever again. You see, our schools rival has paid me a lot of money to make sure you missed the rest of the season. And to sweeten the deal, they allowed me to create my perfect girlfriend. I must say you look fantastic now, and judging by the way you came to kneel in front of me rather than punch my lights out, I'd say the mental conditioning is starting to work just fine as well.
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